=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= SCIENCE JOKES #4 =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Fire! A physicist and a mathematician are in the faculty lounge having a cup of coffee when, for no apparent reason, the coffee machine bursts into flames. The physicist rushes over to the wall, grabs a fire extinguisher, and fights the fire successfully. The same time next week, the same pair are there drinking coffee and talking shop when the new coffee machine goes on fire. The mathematician stands up, fetches the fire extinguisher, and hands it to the physicist, thereby reducing the problem to one already solved... =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Measurement Techniques Similarly, a mathematician, a physicist and an engineer are each given 50 pounds to measure the height of a building. The mathematician buys a ruler and a sextant, and by determining the angle subtended by the building a certain distance away from the base, he establishes the height of the building. The physicist buys a heavy ball and a stopwatch, climbs to the top of the building and drops the ball. By measuring the time it takes to hit the bottom, he establishes the height of the building. The engineer puts forty pounds into his pocket. By slipping the doorman the other ten, he establishes the height of the building. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Breakdown Four engineers were travelling by car to a seminar, when unfortunately, the vehicle broke down. The chemical engineer said "Obviously, some constituent of the fuel has caused this failure to occur." The mechanical engineer replied "I disagree, I would surmise that an engine component has suffered a catastrophic structural failure." The electrical engineer also had a theory. "I believe an electrical component has ceased to function, thereby causing an ignition malfunction." The software engineer thought for some time. When at last he spoke he said "What would happen if we open all windows and close them again?" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Einstein Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready. "I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it's the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others." he is told by the doorman (say his name is Pete). Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So Pete leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants. "See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!" "Why that's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss literature!" "And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!" "Why that's wonderful!" says Albert. "We can discuss mathematics!" "And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!" "That's Wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theatre!" Just then another man moves out to capture Albert's hand and shake it. "I'm your last room mate and I'm sorry, but my IQ is only 80." Albert smiles back at him and says, "So, where do you think interest rates are headed?" =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Howitzers When considering the behaviour of a howitzer: * A mathematician will be able to calculate where the shell will land. * A physicist will be able to explain how the shell gets there. * An engineer will stand there and try to catch it. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Travel Games A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep. The Programmer persists and explains that it's a real easy game. He explains,"I ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep. The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "O.K., if you don't know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer I pay you $50!" Now, that got the Engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Then Engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the Programmer $5. Now, its the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer,"What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and tries to return to sleep. The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, "Well what's the answer to the question?" Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Engineers They were leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They asked the priest if he wanted to face up or down when he met his fate. The priest said that he would like to face up so he would be looking towards heaven when he died. They raised the blade of the guillotine, released it, it came speeding down and suddenly stopped just inches from his neck. The authorities took this as divine intervention and released the priest. Next the drunkard came to the guillotine. He also decided to die face up hoping that he would be as fortunate as the priest. They raised the blade of the guillotine, released it, it came speeding down and suddenly stopped just inches from his neck. So they released the drunkard as well. The engineer was next. He too decided to die facing up. They slowly raised the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer said: "Hey, I see what your problem is." =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= ...collected by Mic